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Voice: Just open canal check gates and let all undocumented cross?

March 29, 2001

Welp, I've dusted off the old Tandy at the request of a new friend of mine, Chuck Wogatzke. After a chemical spill of one of those French vanilla coffees you get at the local convenience store, the keyboard was actually stuck to the desk and the qwerty row didn't even function.

After repeated blows, she conceded and now the only effect is kind of a shock-absorbed space bar. There is no bypassing the qwerty row. Just look at how many words in this letter use "E."

Mr. Wogatzke and I met on what can best be described as a surreal trip to San Diego. He objected to my wanting a tattoo but drove me to the shop in P.B. anyway. I couldn't decide between "driven" or "powered" "by hate" (a little help, Ed?) so I didn't get a tattoo but it was a fun trip anyway.

I only hope I have his vitality when I'm his age. We subsequently met at Wal-Mart, where you occasionally find better deals on their clearance stuff than you can get at a yard sale managed by a lethargic teen-ager.

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Anyway he asked me to pen this letter as a rebuttal to the whole All-American Canal safety issue. And this is an appeal to friends of Mr. Wogatzke's to ask if he is teasing me or not. His point was that he thought the Imperial Irrigation District should just leave the gates at the canal checks open so that those migrants that choose to illegally enter the United States might do so without ever having to endanger their lives by entering the canal in the first place.

Now that statement either literally drips with sarcasm or it doesn't. I don't know. Just when I was pretty sure it was non-sarcastic, he added, "Sure, then the elderly and children who might not be able to swim can come across, too."

I think he makes a good "food for thought" point. Now if I only knew whether or not he's "pulling my chain." He claims he's not, but he has this poker face and I couldn't read it to save my life. Maybe his wife, Wilma, could tell me.

VINCENT HANSEN

Brawley

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