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Voice: The worm has turned thanks to the shirt

April 28, 2002

The passive, submissive, timid soul that I used to be has metamorphosized into a roaring lion.

What brought about this remarkable change?

No, I didn't have a personality transplant.

No, I didn't take a course in assertiveness.

Instead, I bought my chosen equivalent of a suit of armor — a T-shirt, with an attitude.

Mr. Blackwell would not approve. If I were rich or famous or even infamous, he would put me at the top of his list of uncouth, tasteless women who are the worst-dressed damsels in our nation.

Being neither rich nor famous nor overly infamous, I have nothing to fear from Mr. Blackwell.

So my T-shirt with an attitude has become my uniform. If I were invited (I won't be) to attend one of Queen Elizabeth II's social functions, I would wear my new T with unflinching pride. It will probably be my shroud.


Can you imagine how good old St. Peter will react when I come to the Pearly Gates proudly wearing my T-shirt? (I will not exchange it for halo and wings.)

What is so special about this T?

It depicts a yellow kitten in a lazing mood. Printed on it are the words that changed me from grovelling worm to roaring lion:

I don't wanna.

I don't have ta,

I ain't gonna.

These words will be etched on my funeral urn.

Until then, watch out for the little old lady in a wheelchair who is wearing the T with an attitude.


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