Life out here by Brat Kofford: Time for a major cover-up

June 05, 2002

Many important topics have been discussed in this space in recent months: terrorism, patriotism, environmentalism, racism, water transferism. But no one thing may be more disturbing in our society than publicbigfatgutism, the increasing propensity of flabby teen girls and young women to show their big fat guts in public.

Message to many young women: no one wants to see your big fat guts. I know of no young man, old man or in between man like me who has ever said to another, "Hey, did you see the fat hanging off that girl's stomach. That got me hot!"

I have nothing against the exposed midriff thing that is all the rage now. Personally, I'm a well-established leg man, but if shapely young women want to show their navels, that's hunky-dory with me.

The bare belly look is one of those fashion things that is a bit revealing and bordering on sexy but not salacious. The centerpiece is a belly button, for goodness sake, and that ain't exactly a sexy spot. We have all had lint, Rice Krispies, Nacho Cheese Doritos and Tylenol Cold and Flu tablets in there more than a few times, so it's not exactly anyplace sacred.


On young women with a flat or relatively flat stomach the bare midriff looks cute. On a girl with 30 to 40 extra pounds hanging out, around and off the midsection, it looks like, well, someone showing off a big fat gut. And that ain't pretty.

I am not one to condemn chubby women as being unattractive, nor am I one to say that women who are overweight shouldn't dress in sexy clothes. Women can be quite heavy and still look good in shorts or a short dress or skirt. Some pudgy women still have some mighty fine legs.

And back in the designer jeans days, chunky women often were stuffed in a pair of trousers like the meat inside a package of Jimmy Dean's Pure Pork Sausage, but with the jeans pulling here and pushing there, some overweight women looked OK in skin-tight Gloria Vanderbilts or Dittos.

But out-of-shape women don't look good with their bellies exposed. It's not quite as bad as carpenter's crack on paunchy men, but it's in the carpenter's crack neighborhood.

Women don't even have to be overweight or out of shape to look bad in midriff-revealing tops. Those with outties need to be careful. A minor outtie can look OK when exposed. When it starts reaching Vienna sausage length, it is wise to keep the appendage covered.

Speaking of good legs, which we weren't but it's always a fine subject to discuss, my wife, she of the great gams, and I were in the video store recently and saw three young women, apparently sisters and around ages 13, 15 and 19. All three had their bellies blaring, as is so often the case these days.

The two younger girls were both chunky and had jelly bellies rolling around like Mission Bay with the tide coming in. The oldest girl was tall and thin but had a stomach that was about as solid as mine, and I keep my flabby pot hidden under clothing at all times except while swimming (OK, I also show it at my weekly go-go dancing gigs). Between the three girls they had enough lard showing to keep a busy Wendy's supplied for a month.

My wife and I had many things to discuss that night, but the thing on both of our minds when we got back into the car was how those girls shouldn't be showing the world their individual and collective family gut fat.

My wife will tell you she supports women wearing sexy clothes if they feel like it and have the body to do it. But that night in the video store we saw more hanging skin than in a litter of sharpei puppies. Yet I think the three girls thought they looked sexy.

I decided that night someone needs to take the lead on this, to try to get such women to fight fashion and misplaced vanity and cover up their dangling, protruding midsections.

Young women, I am convinced I can safely say that no one wants to see your big fat guts, although I can probably just as safely say those of you showing your big fat guts think I am referring to everyone but you.

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