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Life Out Here: Obama: the ultimate illegal alien

July 29, 2009|By BRET KOFFORD

Some are insisting that Barack Obama was not born in the United States, which means he is not a native-born citizen and therefore not eligible to be president. With that story being true, Barack Obama, our illegitimate president, is an illegal alien, they argue.

That’s all so ridiculous. Obama was not born in another country and is not an illegal alien, at least in the common use of the term.

Barack Obama, quite obviously, is a space alien born on another planet and transported here to help space invaders take over the world.

Look at those ears on Obama. Anyone who knows anything knows those things are transmitters to an invisible spaceship lurking somewhere in the stratosphere. Look hard enough and you’ll see sound waves coming on and off those huge, floppy things.

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And consider the left-handedness of Obama. Did E.T. stick up a finger on his left hand when he said, “E.T. phone home”?

Of course he didn’t. Do you think E.T. wanted to give it away that all space aliens are left-handed when he knew that, 26 years later, one of his own would be running for president of the United States of America? No way. Space aliens are crafty.

What about Obama’s hypnotic speaking voice? There is no doubt it was programmed by intergalactic aliens with the intent of subliminally convincing people to do things such as “hope” and “change” that are not natural to most humans.

If you play a recording of Obama’s most recent press conference backward, it sounds as if Obama is speaking Martian, other than the part where he clearly says, in human English, “Hillary is dead.”

How could people not notice that in the recent photo of Obama, Joe Biden, Eric Holder and Hillary crossing the street, that Hillary was the only one wearing high heels? Is Hillary Clinton the first allegedly human victim of the aliens’ nefarious planet-domination plot? Has she been replaced by a look-alike space droid, or has she always been one?

While we should be glad to be rid of Hillary, those are all questions to ponder deeply.

Certainly many of you, having started looking at the irrefutable evidence already presented in this column, are now convinced Obama was sent by forces from another universe to take over this country and world, but some may still need more evidence to mull.

Consider Obama’s, loping loose-limbed walk. Is it not nearly identical to the walk of aliens in “Men in Black 2” and “Mars Attacks!”? What human being walks like that, other than Michael Jordan? (Don’t get me started on the Michael Jordan birth planet controversy.)

Obama’s supporters, some of whom indubitably are space aliens themselves ? consider the heads of Paul Begala and James Carville ? argue that Obama’s birth was announced in two newspapers in Hawaii in 1961 and that he has presented for public viewing a short-form birth certificate, embossed with the official seal of the state of Hawaii.

For those dullards who actually acknowledge the statehood of Hawaii, that might be credible evidence of Obama’s live birth in the United States, but such pathetic innocents obviously are not considering the fact that most alien spacecraft have a spaceman ? or spacewoman ? notary public aboard who is brilliantly capable of forging such documents.

As for the birth announcements in the newspapers, they obviously were planted by space aliens 48 years ago to ultimately prove the authenticity of Obama’s birth. While that might seem to involve a lot of planning and waiting for their plot to hatch, we must realize that for space aliens time elapses much differently than it does for us, so 48 years for spacemen is like 15 minutes, a virtual smoke break, aboard the mother ship.

Now I’m not going to project what planet Obama comes from, as that would be irresponsible conjecture, although I will concede there is evidence he, or it, is from Alpha Centauri Xion V. But there is not a shred of doubt that Barack Obama is a space alien sent to this planet to take over our country, then the world, before turning it over to his alien overlords.

We must come together now to resist these invaders from another universe. When it comes down to Obama and his evil alien conquerors versus the brave human race, led by fearless Americans, it is going to get ugly. Who of us hasn’t seen the carnage of “War of the Worlds”?

The saddest thing is in this next War of the Worlds, Tom Cruise, being a Scientologist, will be on the side of Obama and the space invaders, which means we’re going to have to give it a go without his leadership.

God help us, in so many ways.

Bret Kofford teaches writing at San Diego State University-Imperial Valley campus. He can be reached at Kofford@roadrunner.com

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